panic

Panic

So I’m back, I’ve been away for a few days hence the lack of posts. It’s been a very weird night, I was watching an old season of House on DVD and one of the scenes basically made me freak out. It made me think about something that, while I think about more than I should, for some reason made me panic (long story for another time). I’m not sure why, maybe I’m just having an overly sensitive night or something.┬áBut it really got to me to the point when I was actually relieved when the scene ended. Stuff like that almost never happens to me when I’m watching TV, its not like I especially cared about the character, he was just a random patient who I knew would be cured at the end of the episode. But afterwards I couldn’t stop thinking about it, and what it reminded me of to the point where I actually had to leave the house just to clear my head. It’s so frustrating, I can’t even watch a show without my mind messing with me. I haven’t been having the best of months which is probably why I’m having such a hard time sorting myself out right now but still, its stupid and I feel like a weak fool. Just when I’m having a good run things turn to hell. It is like I’m a gambler, I think I’m on a winning streak so I bet the lot and end up with nothing, or a (figurative) loan shark threatening to break my legs. I just need to escape my own head sometimes but it isn’t easy at the moment, actually its downright impossible right now. Even writing this to an audience who I don’t know I feel like an idiot. Seriously brain WTF?!

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