Day One

Well not literally but its as good a title as any right? Welcome back for any readers who read my last blog Living Your Life When The World Tries To Stop You, for those that didn’t don’t bother searching for it, I took it down months ago. Why? Because it reminded me too much of a time in my life that I don’t need shoved in my face. I’m back from a long absence to start a new blog. So a little about me, I’m 22, just finished university, I volunteer with the South Australia SES (State Emergency Service, for non-Aussies our name pretty much sums up what we do, google it if you’re really interested) and I’m currently doing what most new graduates do, looking for a job. But as any new grad will tell you it isn’t easy, everyone wants experience, how do you get experience? You need a job, how do you get a job? Experience. Yeah, its great. As a result of I have too much time on my hands, which in my case is not a good thing because it means I have too much time to listen to my inner demons to put a dramatic spin on things. I feel like I’m not doing anything with my life, like I’m just coasting along, my best friend is currently on holiday in South East Asia, another is about to move to Sydney to do youth work with the Salvation Army, another just got married, has a house, a job he enjoys and more dogs than any one person should. And me? I stay in bed for as long as possible because I know as soon as I get up I’m going to struggle to find anything to do. Yesterday my friend who is on holiday went on a tour through some tunnels used by the Viet Cong during the war and went to a shooting range, me? I sharpened some chainsaw blades at SES and killed a mosquito. Exciting stuff. I’m doing my best to improve my situation and stay positive but it isn’t easy, I can’t stop thinking what if this is it? How long until I find a job? Will it be one I enjoy? How long until I can have a meaningful relationship that I don’t fuck up? When will I be able to deal with the pain in my head from all the shit that keeps happening in my life? To be fair I’m a better place mentally and emotionally than I was a year ago but it is still a struggle, one that constantly saps my strength and will. So that concludes my first post on this new blog, I will try and have a more upbeat post for you next time loyal readers.